News and Notes...

VALLLLEEYYYYYYY!!!!!! I'm yelling so I can get a hold of a few more readers. It's been a big few days for the KValley Report. Well over 50 people have visited the sight in the last 3 days...I know it's exciting and hard to fathom, but brace yourself because we have a lot of goodies coming to you tonight both in form of news and with a heads up of some things we're rolling out for the next couple months. Now, I'll let you know what I've been marinating on the last couple days.

Crookeds with the straights.
So, Thursday I got to work and began walking from my car to the front door and hit a patch of ice that was hiding under a big dirty puddle. I went booty over tea kettle smashed my left hip and left elbow while my brown bag lunch (yes i take a brown bag lunch to work, admit it, you're jealous) went approximately 15 feet in the air and hit the ground a good second after I had buried my white Polo track jacket under a filthy pile of parking lot. Luckily I am in amazing "bowflex" like shape so I was able to take the blow and bounce right up, obviously ;) Then, I had to go home, change, and take my clothes to the cleaners. Then I drove back to work all while not getting paid...thanks life.

THEN, I figured I needed something different at night to make up for the crummy morning, so after my workout I went up to Crystal, MN for food, wine, and catch phrase with a friend and some of her friends. You know a nice, chill Thursday night. Turns out my car decided to have a 2nd hose burst in as many weeks, overheat way too far away to drive it anywhere else, and I spend the night in Crystal listening to a roommate's girlfriend yell at us about how hot she is and how great she looks for 33 years old...yeah, pretty good except for your grill, doll. Really?? Anyway, I had AAA (best company ever, HUGE shot out to AAA) tow my car to the shop that has fixed my car the other 156 times it has broken. Seriously, having a car break down is about as cool as a hairy back mixed with crystal meth teeth. Whoa!! Got you there, didn't I?? Yikes!!

But, I'm healthy, I have a great family, great friends, and an ability to scream curse words that calm me down and make me feel better. Sometimes you just have to take the crookeds with the straights my friends.

T.O.
So, Terrell Owens has gotten the boot again. Not too many people are surprised, and what's crazy about that is that this guy is a lock to catch 10 TD's every year...and he's built out of liquid metal and 1000 thread carbon fiber...which is pretty sweet. It just boggles my mind that this guy can't just settle down, keep his mouth shut [in public], and let his play talk for him. The celebrating is great, i have no problem with that and I love it. But, how can you be so big a jag off that a team is willing to pay you $9 million to leave your employment in the middle of a terrible recession. We're talking legendary status of jerk"ness" here. I would like to make a plea at this point for the Vikings to take a look, but Sage Rosenfels is the QB and I know for a fact that with a little salt & hot sauce T.O. would eat Sage Rosenfels for a snack between all those pills he loves to take. It certainly is a saga, and unfortunate that this dweeb is getting paid all this money and he just keeps dropping C-4 in all these locker rooms. It certainly is sad, Terrell

Chris Brown & Rihanna
Chris. You were biting her, bro?? I mean I'm fine with the closed fist shots to the dome, she probably deserved those, but biting???? Good gracious. First let me say, I hope he goes to jail. Beyond that it is another mind boggler altogether. This guy has cameras on him 24/7, high profile life, big time sponsors, and a great career. Those last couple are gone now, and darn well should be. I mean, there's just no reason to hit your girlfriend EVER, but when you're a celebrity, you must have no clue about life, not a one clue. There was 100% chance you were going to get busted for this, and whether you are found guilty of anything by the courts or not, you ARE guilty. And, the public won't let you forget it that easily. Get a shrink, hug more, and grow up you freaking brat. And Rihanna, way to use your public position to advocate for domestic abuse (Big fart noise). Getting back together with the guy and sneaking away to secret locations with him a couple weeks after he beats you down, is a GREAT idea. Give me a break. Shame on you too Rihanna.

Upcoming events!
The NFL draft is coming up soon people and we're going to do something really fun for it. We're going to have a draft pick contest. Everyone will choose how they feel the top 15 picks will unfold, and submit their list to me @ kvalleyreport@gmail.com. The winner will get to submit a post to the blog on anything they would like (within reason) to share with the Valley. And the next time I see you, I'll buy you a shot or a candy bar or something.

Very shortly we've got one of the greatest true stories ever told coming for the Valley. "The Great Escape" will be coming soon.

We are going to have a special guest adding some flavor to the blog via video once a month. It will be cutting edge, hot, tantalizing, and great. Be sure to look for it...And, much...much more.

And Finally, I got some love going out to all the Valley...

"Cuz we belong together now.....Forever united here somehow....You got a piece of me, and honestly...MY LIFE WOULD SUCK WITHOOOOUUUT YOU!!!!!!!"

Out like...yep you guessed it...T.O.
McQuillan