The Great Escape

Alright Valley, I know it's been a while, but I was letting the suspense build....plus I was in Chicago for St. Patty's day, and it ruled. We'll get to more about that later. I just want to let everyone know that this story is absolutely amazing. It is an entirely true story, and names have been erased to protect the...um...innocent...cough. I imagine some of you out there know the people involved or were the people involved, and I will ask you to comment all you want, but keep the characters names off the comments. I won't post the comments if you use his name, but just don't do it. It's such a radical story that it has to be told, but we're not always proud of our youthful debacles. We are lucky enough that Mr. Blank shared his story, so just enjoy.......................................

La Fiesta

I was 21 years and a college student. I obviously thought I new everything and nothing could bring me down. The typical 21 year old male college student. A bunch of us buddies decided to go to Cancun on spring break. So we get to Mexico full of joy, excitement and ready for another spring break with the boys. Little did I know I was about to be in for the worst day of my life. We checked into our hotel and the festivities began. The night started out like any other, beer bongs, shots, the usual good times with the boys. As the night went on, we started to think about where we wanted to head out. We came to the conclusion that we would head to some clubs…obviously. So, a bunch of our crew took off shortly after that while the rest stayed back for a while. I was in the group who decided to stay back. I would later regret this decision. The group we had come down to Mexico with was about 20 guys I believe. So after staying back at the hotel for a while the 2nd group decide to take off. We head out to the club and pull up in taxis. I want to make one quick point; this club is not in the normal spring break area, and it’s kind of off in a shady part of town. This isn’t like a Senor Frogs or something like that on the beach; it’s definitely in a suspect area. I was actually a little nervous the moment I got out of the cab. One other point, at this time in the night I’m pretty intoxicated, actually to be honest highly intoxicated. So as I’m walking up to the club I notice one of my buddies talking to a Mexican guy or younger kid. So as I’m walking up he calls my name and says, "Hey, I've been talking to this guy and everything is cool." I kept explaining to my buddy that I didn't know this guy, and he could take care of whatever he wanted to take care of. My buddy was very persistent and asked me to go walk with this guy for a purchase. Finally, after a few minutes I said, “Fine, give me the money and I'll take care of it.” Bad move. I must have told my buddy five times that if he’d been talking to him for 20 minutes then he should go with him. But it didn’t go down like that. I said, “Give me the cash, I'll go with him.” Wow, would I regret this decision in about 15 minutes.

The Jack Move

I took the money and walked in between two buildings with this guy, made a small transaction and headed back to the club. Meanwhile, my friends are in line at the club. And it’s the lame “let the same number of people in as walk out” type game they were running. So we were waiting in line and half our group got in with me being the first guy out. Not sure if this was pure luck, coincidence, or Satan himself, but it happened. So, I’m standing in line just hoping to get in when all of a sudden a guy grabs me by my shoulder and says, “POLICIA, POLICIA, come with me!” He drags me out of the line by my shoulder. At this point I’m about as scared as little Danny when Jack Nicholson is chasing him in “The Shining”… seriously. And the reason is that I have something in my wallet I definitely shouldn't have. One more thing, my buddies I got it for, well they were already in the club, perfect. So then I get dragged out of the line by this guy and I try to throw my wallet to a buddy in line just so nothing is on me. That was wishful thinking because my buddy probably thought, “I don't want that noise!” My buddy immediately throws the wallet back at me. So, the police have it and there grabbing me asking me where “it” was and telling me that I would go to Mexican jail. Remember I said I was scared? Yeah, just scared enough to urinate in my pants on the street, no kidding. Now, I’m sure a few of you are reading this laughing…I promise some of you would have bet warm and wet as well. Foreign jail can have a funny effect, don’t try it. Then I get put in the back of this car. I’m in the middle of two undercover guys dressed in street clothes sitting next to me going through my wallet. They kept calling me amigo and telling me how screwed I was and that I was going to Mexican jail. I'm pleading my case at this point because they haven't found anything. Then they take me further into the ghetto and I have no idea where I am. I’m pretty far away from my hotel and the club, so I’m thinking to myself that my buddies were never going to find me. We finally stop and they take me into this jail. Well not in the jail yet but into a room that’s about 8 by 8. There are 4 guys in there now, one with a video camera I’m sure they stole from another “spring breaker” and he's video taping me. They proceed to start clearing out my wallet. Took all my money which I believe was about 200 and some odd bucks. They took my earrings, my watch, everything. Then they wanted my Jordan’s but I refused. No self respecting American is going to give his Jordan’s to some foreign racketeers. Yeah I had pee running down my leg, but nobody is getting my Jordan’s and that's the truth. Meanwhile the other 3 guys are taking turns grabbing me by my neck and throwing me against the wall telling me if my friends don't come with more money in 1/2 hr I’m going to Mexican PRISON. Not jail…PRISON. They made this perfectly clear because I remember the guy about 2 inches from my face with his hands around my neck telling me this. At this point they still had not found anything, but that changed about 2 minutes later.

The Clink

I continue taking a little more abuse from these guys when the guy grabs me and leads me out. I had earlier promised this guy I could get him all types of money. He seemed interested, so I thought I might get lucky. I was like, “Heck Yes!! I’m out of here.” Boy, was I ever wrong. As I walk out the door and take one step, a guy in a full blue uniform who is walking into the jail grabs me by my neck and drags me back in. I was way passed "peeing my pants" scared at this point. Remember these other guys are in street clothes, this guy, is in like a uniform looking like “Ponch” in “Chips”. He grabbed me, took me back in by my neck, pushed me against the wall and yelled, and I quote, "If your friends don't find you in a half hour and have more money, I take you to Mexican Prison myself.” At this point, I felt like giving up. Then they took me to the jail. I began thinking that I was about to get the crap beaten out of me. I’m not the biggest guy around, only 5'11 and about 175 at the time. They threw me in this giant cell, and I had no shirt on because it was severely torn, so I took it off. I look around and happen to be one of only two white guys in the whole place, and I have no shirt on…beautiful. The other white guy in there was about 6"4 and jacked, big guy, so I went right up next to him and I was freaking out, basically on the verge of a complete breakdown. I asked the guy what he was in jail for, and he told me that he got caught doing a naughty dance on the beach with a girl. He was waiting for his buddies to come with a hundred bucks to bail him out. Then he asked me what I was in there for, and I broke the story down for him. He immediately told me that I had to get out. At, that point I had been there for about 15 minutes and I knew my time was running out. Meanwhile there were quite a few Mexicans talking about me and pointing at me but all I could think about was how I would get out of there. Then the plan is hatched. My new found best friend says, “I'll tell you what, see those beds over there? Across from them there's a bathroom. If you jump on the toilet, there’s a window with some bars across it and one is missing. You’re a pretty small guy, you can probably crawl through.” I figured it was the only shot I had because I didn't think my buddies were finding that place. A cop happened to walk in the cell and I asked him if I could go sleep on the beds. He said yes. I walked down there and lay on the bed with my hand over my face looking at him for a bit. After a couple minutes, he left, and I knew that this was the moment of truth.

Jail Break

I got up, ran in the bathroom, and got up on the toilet. It’s not just bars, there was glass behind the bars. At this point, all that was on my mind was not going to Mexican prison. I punched out the first window and it breaks inwards somehow and proceeds to shatter all over the floor. Obviously this is loud. And, I thought that if the cop was in there he definitely heard it. So, I ran back over to my “bff” and asked if he heard it. He said, “Yes, but get the hell out of here!!” I ran back in there, got up on the toilet and broke the two other windows and slide through. I was out!! Well, that happiness lasted for about .2 seconds, basically until I looked up. I looked up, and saw that the jail was surrounded by a 10 foot brick wall. I mean, why wouldn’t there be a gigantic wall?? It is a jail; after all, security tends to be decent. Good thing I'm athletic, and had a little adrenaline…okay a ton of adrenaline. Plus, let’s not forget, I still had my Jordan’s. I swear I jumped that wall like it was about 5 feet tall; I was over in no time. In the Meantime, the police officer came back into the jail cell to get me because 6 of my best friends had found the jail. Four guys go into the jail from one taxi and 2 are outside waiting in another taxi. The police officer went back to the cell to get me and I was gone. Long gone! He went back out to my four friends and said, “Your friend has escaped.” Then the cop told my friends that they needed to stay there until they found me. My buddies said “no no no”, and the cop said, “yeah, yeah, yeah”! By this time, another taxi was outside with 2 other friends waiting in it. According to them, they see a guy come flying over this 10 foot wall and they literally thought it was me. They were calling my name and obviously I had no idea, I can't hear anything, and I was just getting the heck out of dodge ASAP. It never really crossed my mind that I could be shot in the back at any minute. All I thought about was NOT going to Mexican prison. Never mind I may go for longer if I got caught, I was out of there. Meanwhile, my other friends give up their watches and donate about $400 to the Mexican Cartel before they are let go. I just kept on “Forrest Gump” running my rear end out of there. I had no money, no shirt, it’s about 4 am, and I’m in not a very nice part of town. I see two girls sitting outside of some place smoking. I was panicking and these girls knew it. I told them I just escaped from jail and I had no money, and then I asked them to call me a cab and pay for it…pretty sweet pick up line huh?? Yeah, I thought so too, but I guess the strong scent of urine was a deal breaker, who knew?? I could tell they knew I was scared and had to get out of there, so they hooked your boy up. As I was waiting for this cab my friends see me and are they start calling my name and telling me to get in their cab. I ran down there and get in the first cab. We barely made it through a red light and clearly luck had began to turn in my favor because taxis started getting searched by the cops looking for me, including the cab my other friends were in. LUCKY! All I have to say is; I will always remember and be thankful for the 6 guys who came to bail me out. You know who you are, if any of you ever need anything in life, you know who to call. Unreal, I need a beer; I’m all worked up again.

Epilogue

Hey Valley it's me again....I mean how gnarly is that?!?! I asked a couple of the "friends" that were there that night for some comments and one of them was the buddy who Mr. Blank tried to give his wallet too. He is quoted as saying, "He handed me his wallet which i was like wtf." he also reminisced on what it was like when Mr. Blank got surrounded and this is rich, "As soon as he got back to our posse he was surrounded by Mexican Federales. Ak47's everywhere." I wish you guys could see me laughing typing this right now. Wow. Another buddy, who was there, summed it all up pretty well saying, "Pretty rich stuff huh?? I remember it like it was yesterday." Oh the college years...............................

See you soon with an update on our Eagan City League Championship game 3/18, among other things. And finally, I'll leave you with some fitting lyrics...sorta ;)

"All we have to do now, is take these lies, and make them true somehow. All we have to see, is that I don't belong to you (Mexican prison) and you don't belong to me Yeah Yeah. Freedom!! Freedom!! Freedom!!"

Out like George Michael....feel me.

McQuillan