Welcome back Valley, and boy do we have a treat for you today!! I know I like to touch on "music and lyrics", apologies to Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore, and today we're going to have even more fun with it by outlining true genius. When you think of musical genius I'm sure names like, Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder (is a musical genius...sniffle wipe) come to mind. Well I can promise you after you read this, Spice 1 will find himself in the discussion.
I asked a great friend and loyal ally to help me with this biography and he has supplied me with greatness. I love the way he was able to make this great hip-hop artist relevant and show why his work and career will forever be etched in KValley Report stone. Thank you "Perm" for your extraordinary contribution to the KValley Report.
Parental guidance is recommended.
Music You Can NOT Relate To:
I never ride down the block with a dead person sitting shotgun. I’ve never blown the head off a cow. I’ve never done a 187 with a bloody Jason mask on. These are the reasons that I love the music of Spice 1. Many of you may not be familiar with the music of Robert Green aka Spice 1. He’s a rapper from Hayward, California, and he was discovered by Too Short. I’m writing about him because I think he’s a great example of how music can be great in strange ways. Some people like music they can relate to. If your girl or guy broke up with you, maybe you want to listen to some sad songs that talk about that concept. Every Rose does Have It’s Thorn right? If you’re frustrated with Western politics, throw on Rage and tell your local congressman to Sleep Now in the Fire. Maybe you’re feeling a little frisky. I’m sure you don’t see nuthin’ wrong with a little R. Kelly. The list goes on. These are songs you can relate to. The great thing about Spice 1 is he rarely puts out anything that resembles something you can relate to. If you can relate to it, you are probably in jail. In which case, congrats on getting your hands on a computer and thanks for reading this! I love this crazy music and maybe after reading this you’ll understand why. But probably not.
Here are a few top choice Spice 1 lyrics followed by my thoughts.
I murda like this (this) I murda like that (that)
Pull an AK-47 up out my mother----n gangsta hat
That tasty lick comes from a song called “Kill ‘em All.” Now where can I even start with this? The first line is fairly simple. I feel like it gets you warmed up. The second line is an absolute gem. What kind of a “gangsta hat” is designed to conceal an AK-47? Now I certainly don’t own one, but in the movies, those things are at least 3 feet long. Is this hat shaped like a canoe? I can’t get enough of thinking about this.
I got a present and it come with a banana clip
Santa Claus mutha----- meet the hollow tip
That’s from an old one called “Runnin Out the Crack House.” I don’t think I have to really say much here, but when you’re threatening Santa with a hollow tip, you’ve reached a certain level of thug that’s only reached by a select few. I’m guessing this group of special thugs would consist of Spice 1, Mike Tyson, Ron Artest, Tracy Morgan, and maybe Chuck Norris.
Yeah, break em down with the Mack
And like John Madden 93, "BOOM!!! He's on his back!"
This one is from “Doncha Run Away.” I just love the fact that he’s cross referencing killing someone with a game that was played on the Sega Genesis!
My point is here that this is music that doesn’t really make sense, and that’s why it’s great. There is no one with a “computer voice” singing about lollipops or bartenders. Lil’ Wayne is NOT featured at all. There is no R&B in the chorus, unless you count Spice 1 pretending to have a Jamaican accent and singing about “smoking someone like a blunt.” Now his music is certainly not for everyone. You hopefully won’t be able to relate to it in any way. But give it a chance...Or Spice 1 will kill you.
-Thank you so much Perm, we sho' do 'preciate you...And now, while the Valley has had plenty examples of greatness by lyrics, I'm going to end this lesson with what can only be described as, "A higher education" of an American musical genius...
"Was born to die the S.P.I. With a player status of an OG since 'knee high'. Sportin the G hat with the short brim it's the gi-gi-de gangster, hustla, balla, whatever you wanna call uh. Straight player up in this game, puttin' it down for all you haters. Killin' em softly, raisin' em off me, keepin' it real so they can't fade us in the 9-6. I kicks back and roll the Vega up, nothin' but the Hennesy, champange, and Remy up in my cup. Living like a baller but I'm still a G, soaking up game in the East Bay streets, stacking up Fetti, S-P-I-C-E...Can you lo-ooove a playa man, can you really lo-ooove a playa man"
Out like an AK-47 from under the proverbial "gangster hat"
McQuillan
-Don't forget to send your ideas, stories, and pictures (if you're a cute girl) to kvalleyreport@gmail.com
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