Good Gracious...

VALLEY!!!!!!!!! Man, I have to apologize for the disaster that is my technical situation. Getting this computer fixed was like getting an abortion on the alter of a Catholic church, seriously. My Uncle finally got it cleared up and loaded up with all the stuff it needs to actually work...for that I'm thankful. For it being free of charge, I'm extremely thankful. But anyway, let us get back to business of having some fun talking about cool stuff, and ripping on people who suck!!!!

The Roses
So, I put a little money on the Kentucky Derby as I said I would. I bet $5 on 4 different horses to win, and one of them was a 50-1 long shot ridden by the same jockey who rode Street Sense in the 2007 Derby, which I attended and won money at. This horse, Mine That Bird, won the Derby and paid me $250 on a $5 bet....Oh what a happy day. This leads me to my next thought, and that is about this Saturday's Preakness. Mine That Bird's jockey, Calvin Borel, has jumped off his Derby winning Colt to ride the Philly, Rachel Alexandra, in the Preakness. Rachel Alexandra is regarded as the best 3 year old out there period, and Calvin rode her to an impressive victory in the Kentucky Oaks (the race for Phillies the night before the derby). It's hard for me to blame him for riding the better horse, but he is the only person capable of winning the Triple Crown this year and I think it stinks he's not going to be able to ride it out with Mine That Bird. He is the only reason I bet on that horse in the Derby, and now I feel I need to bet on Mine That Bird again because he treated me so kindly a couple weeks ago...but without the jockey who rode him. Bummer. Looks like I'll be mixing up a little strategy at the race track on Saturday. Another bonus is that Cantebury Downs has live racing all day leading up to the Preakness, should be an exciting day, so if you're in the Minneapolis area swing out for a day at the races!

Memory Lane
Recently I had an authentic burrito from a cute little Mexican joint down the street from my place. It was the first "non-chain" burrito I've eaten since I moved back from Chicago. I never thought eating a burrito would be such an emotional experience. It shot me back to the days when I moved up to Chicago and got a place in the city with my boy Jesse. We would get burritos on a regular basis in our neighborhood. Otherwise we were ordering from this place called "Clown Pizza" and it was awesome. A little clown came to your door to deliver the pizza and everything....okay we just told everyone that, but It would be sweet huh??? Summer is coming and I miss Chicago a lot right now. I love it here in Minny too, but it's kind of like having a girlfriend, who you love, but missing an ex every so often. Or for a better example it's like when a girl has an ex and even though she's dated and been dating she still gets jealous or pissy when someone else, especially a friend, dates the old boyfriend. I still get pissy when I know the weather is nice and the Cubs are at home and I can't head down to Murphy's for some sight seeing and Bud Light cans...But I will be heading back in about a month for the Cubs/Twins series and I will just have to get my fix then...and I will!!! I might even get a burrito in between those Bud Lights. I know I've mentioned Chicago often, but I love that place, and if you get a chance to visit in the summer, definitely do it. It is a great city.

Brett Favre
And he's coming back again, or not, but wait, if he's healthy maybe.....Come on man!!!!!!!! This story is a journalist's heaven, it never ends. And now he's rumored to be heading to our very own Minnesota Vikings. I'm not even going to get into all the peripheral hoopla that everyone else, ESPECIALLY ESPN, likes to get into, but I will put in my opinion. It will be a hard opinion for you all to argue, since I'm always right. The question to me is simple. Is Brett Favre better than what is currently on the Viking's roster? I believe the answer is yes. The familiarity with our offense and offensive coaches is a big plus as well. Am I really excited about the possibility f Brett Favre coming to may favorite team? No. I think the word is "Indifferent". If he's healthy, and wants to be a good teammate and win ball games, then I'm all for it. I can't think of a better scenario than watching a Viking Superbowl with a Packer fan having to watch and suffer through that. Not to mention, that if they were to win a Super Bowl, it would be the same amount he won for the Packers. I'm not saying that's going to happen, but it would be awesome if it did and totally worth all the garbage that will be surrounding this story all year long or until it's dead...for now. Overall, if it doesn't happen, I'm not too bent out of shape. I just marvel at the ability one guy has at keeping the media at this high a fever pitch year after year. It is a skill. Granted it's a skill rooted in the need for attention, but a skill none the less. I mean ESPN has Rachel Nichols down in Hattiesburg, MS at a high school football practice that Brett Favre wasn't even attending!! That is funny stuff. I'm sure there will be more to come on this story...but I had to mention it at least or risk not "keeping up with the media Jones's".

Randomness
A couple weeks ago the University of Minnesota had it's spring football game at the University or St. Thomas' football field. I currently coach at St. Thomas and was aware of this. Our head coach told everyone that they can stick around and watch the game if they'd like and one of our players for about a week was assuming that he was suiting up and actually playing against the Gopher football team. I'm not sure how he worked to this conclusion but we all had a pretty big laugh about it. People never cease to amaze me...but that's a good thing.

I'm going to Canada in 10 days so if anyone has any knowledge of Winnipeg, let me know of something cool to do. I won't have too much time, but I'd like to check out a good place to eat or something...holler at me.

Advice: If you're turning right and you know someone is behind you and you have the option to pull over into the right turn lane or the shoulder before making your turn, DO IT!!!!! You know you have to slow down to make the turn, if there is room to get over to the right, get over there and allow the people behind you to continue travelling. Man people really stink at life and driving!!!

The NBA Playoffs have been crazy to watch this year. I don't really watch the NBA much during the regular season because it's boring as heck, other than a few players, but it has been fun to watch. Lots of hard fouls, and Lebron James whipping butt. I know Hooper wants me to give a shot out to the Nuggets for throwing down, so I will. I really like their chances against LA with the way each of those teams are playing right now. Good luck to your Nugs Hoop, and for everyone who was in the kitchen at the Brown House that fateful night of Hooper and his box wine, we all know how much he LOVES his Nuggets....hahaha. I really do hope however, that we get to see Kobe and Lebron in the finals. That would be fun to watch...like on the "Super duper" level.

So I hear that Republicans are all in a tiff about Wanda Sykes cracking jokes about Rush Limbaugh's kidneys failing. Hey tight wads, it's a joke!! I joke about idiots all the time and Rush spends his entire life offending people, gimme a break. I even tell my friends to go kill themselves sometimes. Like if Jokela makes fun of me or burns me, I will tell him to go eat some Anthrax. It's funny to joke about people dying or getting hurt. Not sure why, but it is. Nobody really means the stuff literally (usually) and people always laugh...which is the Idea of jokes, i promise. Also, Wanda Sykes is a comedian, she makes jokes for a living. Man, people need to chill out.

Ladies, remember now that it's starting to get really nice outside, we (straight men) expect cute clothes, no "muffin tops" but some skin is acceptable, willingness to converse if approached respectfully, not too much make-up but some to accentuate, no janky teeth and no janky breath. Thank you very much and I can't wait to see you.

Quick News
We do have a winner for the first annual KValley Report NFL Draft Pick'em. It was a victory by the slimest of margins, but Chris Lisitza was the winner and we will be expecting some great insight on a topic of his choosing soon. Congrats Chris!!! Valley, I'll be seeing you soon, I promise!!

"I'm a movement by myself, but I'm a force when we're together...Valley I'm good all by myself, but you make me better, you make me better....together we burn it up...."

Out like Ricky Hatton in the 2nd....
McQuillan