Duck, duck, GRAYDUCK!!!!

Hey Valley!!! Who are the ballers now, "Whordis!!!" Alright, inside joke. If you haven't seen the movie "Baller Blockin'", you're really missing out...on second thought, you're not don't watch it. Today has been a pretty solid day for me. I'm not going to go into details, but it was solid. I didn't win 1 billion dollars, so not that good. But, I didn't get my leg blown off digging for diamonds in Africa either, so all in all I'm thankful. After work I went to the gym and did some more work. Luckily, some college basketball showed up on the tube. Duke vs. St Johns, it's actually still on now. And, OF COURSE, between lifts I see a terrible charge called that went in Duke's favor. And, I got so worked up that this blog post was born. Please enjoy, disagree, or say "Heck yeah" out loud for the next few minutes as you read 3 of my least favorite things in sports.

I. Charging fouls in basketball
I know there will be a lot of agreeing with this, and that is because referees in basketball have become blinded by some made up glory to taking a charge. There should be two kinds of charges called. One where you're standing there for about 5 seconds and a guy comes down and runs you over on the way to the hoop, or when you're playing good defense, and a guy just lowers a shoulder and plays "dump truck" with you. That's it. But I swear to Joshua, Coach K convinced the refs to call these horrible fouls because his guys aren't as athletic and should somehow be rewarded for standing there and making it look like they are playing good D. Now, Coach K is awesome, don't confuse what I'm saying. and Duke isn't the only team doing it now, THEY ALL ARE. It has become a trend worse than trying to grow a mustache if you really can't or those gross tight jeans that you're supposed to sag a little bit. Any gay men out there know what I'm talking about. (I highly doubt any gay men are reading this, but "big ups" if you are). Anyway, I'm trying to say it's awful, at every level. Now, I'll bullet point the main reasons why.
Hollow tip bullet #1. It rewards players for being less athletic. I guess I'm not sure why those players should be rewarded, Instead of having to jump and challenge a player and risk a foul, this call allows them to move slightly to one side, stand there and get run over with the outcome being positive for them....garbage. Hollow tip bullet #2. The idea of taking a charge is teaching people to be in position and holding their ground. But, it has evolved into just turn around and see if you can catch someone while they're about to jump so they can't avoid you and trick the ref into making it look like you've been standing there. It is teaching lazy defense, in my opinion. If guys can count on being able to bail themselves out of getting into a spot where they are over matched by standing and falling down, that is junk and not in the spirit of the rule. Not only that but it promotes the total opposite of what we are taught about playing defense "move your feet". Hollow tip bullet #3. Flopping. I don't even have to say much more than that. these jag offs are out here falling down for no reason. I blame the foreign players, Vlade Divac mostly. And, I blame the refs for allowing this nonsense to happen. Nobody, let me repeat, NOBODY should be rewarded for falling down on purpose in basketball. Hollow tip bullet #4. These idiots are going to hurt someone out there, and for certain, already have. running up under a guy while he's taking off trying to make a great athletic play, is dangerous and wussy-cat. I wish there could be basketball reform for this rule, and if I can send this to someone important I will. But that's a pipe dream so until then, we can keep complaining about it.

II. Women announcing men's sports.
Now, let me take some time to set this up and get a few things straight. I don't dislike women reporters, ESPN Anchors, athletes, or any women themselves. What I dislike is a woman or women actually calling a men's game. Now, after my clarification, if you want to say that's sexist, fine. But it literally drives me bonkers to listen to it. There is one example I can think of. Just one. Only having one example is not quality arguing and it may be on the account that it infuriates me to the point I cannot think about anything else whatsoever. My example is Pam Ward. Now, Pam may be a great woman, great friend, great mother, great everything. She may even be great at her job, but that job should not be calling a college football game. I have no ill will towards her personally, I just can't stand it when I have to turn on a game and hear her. We all know she didn't play football ever. If she did, it doesn't count. Kind of like those chicks we all had try out for 6th grade football...it doesn't work out. Not only that, but I've heard her a number of times cross from doing play by play to offering an opinion. I'm holding back what I really want to say, but let's just go with, "please don't do that Pam." One time, and I'm not exaggerating, I turned on Iowa vs. Penn State and got the Pam Ward team. There was a play in the game (I won't go into detail because it's irrelevant) that Pam didn't understand. I know she didn't understand because she proceeded to argue with the color guy about whether or not it was the right play by the coach. It got so awkward that the sideline reporter, who was a former football player, chimed in to agree with Pam's partner. I lost count of how many times I said "shut up" out loud. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Oh by the way, the coach made the right call. It was at the very end of a close game and Iowa ended up winning as a result. I know that is only one example, but that example stands as the foundation of why there should be no women calling a men's game. It didn't matter if she was right or wrong, and lets be honest, there are a lot of terrible announcers out there who are men. It just happened to be that she was a woman, and no women play football. It's that simple. Am I right? I don't even think that my position is right, I just can't freaking help it. I'm all for equality, so if that means no men call women's games, fine....exactly, I don't hear any complaining about that. Having said all that, I would like there to be an asterisk to this conversation. Pat Summit can do whatever she wants. I figure since #1, I like her and #2, she's done more in sports than any of the people reading this blog have done, or will ever do combined, she's earned that right. But other than that...I'd rather listen to the crowd noise and nothing else than the Pam Wards of the sports world.

III. Old man haters who are trying to ruin TD celebrations.
Please enjoy the following before moving on with the rest:





Now, If you didn't like that TD celebration, then stop reading right now. Seriously, stop reading. I don't want you to read anymore....Alright, I'm assuming if you still reading, that you thought that was the bomb. Thank you, because it was. And if you have ever seen an old Miami Hurricane video tape, you'll continue reading with a smile about how sweet TD celebrations used to be. I think the current clamps are ridiculous and just plain stupid. Okay, I don't think you should be able to taunt someone else during the celebration, I don't think you should be able to pretend to shoot someone or other violent theater, but I sure as Hades think you should be able to use the ball as a prop!!!! I'll say the same for using other players or props as well. It's fun, the game is fun, people go to the game to have fun, they make rules so the offense can score so people think it's more fun, they serve beer at the games so it's more fun, cheerleaders wear next to nothing so it's more fun...am I making my point pretty clear???? Man, the people making decisions just have no clue. And the game that was handed to them is so awesome, they don't have to do anything to keep it making bajillions of dollars. But these rules are just pointless and honestly, make the game stink a little bit more. It really does make it less fun for me to watch, even though I still do. If I could say how stupid I think these restrictions are and make your Lord and Savior hear it, I would. It's just pathetic. On that note, please enjoy...




There you have it, my first installation of sport pet peeves. I'm sure there will be more. If you have any you think should be talked about you know where to send them. If you don't it's: kvalleyreport@gmail.com hard telling what kind of mood we're all in after all that but I think this will do just fine...



"Called up the homies and I'm axing ya'll, 'which park are ya'll playing basketball.' Get me on the court and I'm trouble, last week messed around and got a triple-double. Freaking brothers every way like MJ I can't believe, today was a good day"



Out like snap bracelets...



McQuillan